Issue 01 · Plague Season · Est. 1348

Quack Doctor, a fluffy yellow duckling in a black wide-brimmed hat, brass goggles and a long leather coat, standing on the red cover with his cane
  • ExclusiveThe doctor nobody licensed
  • Nine casesHe cured three
  • P.024Why the beak is his own

Fee
One bread roll

On him black hat, leather coat, brass goggles · Beak his own · Licence pending

Issue 01 — The plague-season issue of the doctor meta

The market is sick. The doctor is a duck.

The plague doctor is in. Same black hat, same long coat, same beak, except the beak is his own. No licence. Very confident. He will see you now.

Book an appointment Open the issue
Contract J5QLt35a4HH5vcnroSmQ5iV8FgNWvazcg1miBdTnpump

P.003

In this issue

One doctor. One beak. Nine cases, four of which went wrong. Read in order, like a chart.

  1. 009Letter from the editorA famous plague, and its smallest doctor
  2. 024Cover storyThe hat, the house call, the town square
  3. 048The casesFive treated. Three cancelled. One kept.
  4. 096Backstage & streetAn apothecary, a mirror, a wet street
  5. 120The licenceQuack Doctor, by the numbers
  6. 140The waiting roomSeat nine. How to get in.
  7. 164Back coverQuack No. 9, a tonic that does nothing

P.009 — Letter from the editor

The plague got the headlines. The duckling got the hat.

A formal family portrait in a candle-lit study: a mother duck surrounded by ducklings in tiny black hats and goggles, Quack Doctor standing in front
Pictured the family practice, by height · Hats one size, too big

Everybody knows the plague doctor: the long beak mask, the black hat, the coat, the crow on the shelf. This season he is everywhere again, and the whole market went to see him.

Fewer people know about the duckling who lives behind the apothecary. He is eleven days old. He weighs about as much as a bread roll. He found the hat on a hook, then the coat, then the goggles. He did not need the mask. He already had the beak.

This season, somebody left the clinic door open. He walked in, sat behind the desk and started seeing patients. Everything after this page is what happened next.

the Editor(also a duck)

P.024 — Cover story

He made house calls. The town made him famous.

Black-and-white photograph of Quack Doctor striding toward the camera on cobblestones, coat flapping, cane in one wing
On him the coat · Film black and white, it felt medical · Cane for show
“He looked at my chart, tapped it twice with his cane and said: quack. I felt better at once.”— a patient, feeling slightly better
  1. 01

    The hat

    A black wide-brimmed hat fell off a hook in the apothecary. It landed on a duckling. It fit, if you don't count the eyes.

  2. 02

    The house call

    He took the cane and the lantern and knocked on the first door in town. Nobody asked for his licence. Nobody could see his face. He is very small.

  3. 03

    The town square

    By midnight the queue went across the square. Four hundred and twelve patients. By morning there was a medical journal.

P.048 — The cases

Nine cases. He cured three.

  1. Case 01: Quack Doctor knocking on an old wooden door with his cane at night
    Case 01

    The House Call

    Patient behind the door · Opened eventually

  2. Case 02

    Patient fled.

    The door opened, the patient saw the beak and closed it again. He billed them anyway.

    Cancelled

  3. Case 03: Quack Doctor writing a prescription with a long quill at a candle-lit desk
    Case 03

    The Prescription

    Prescribed rest, bread, $QUACKDOC · Legible no

  4. Case 04

    Fell asleep.

    Case 04 was booked for 8:14 pm. At 8:14 pm the doctor was asleep inside his own hat.

    Cancelled

  5. Case 05: Quack Doctor examining a nervous green frog through a brass magnifying glass
    Case 05

    The Diagnosis

    Patient one frog · Diagnosis frog

  6. Case 06

    Wrong patient.

    He examined the crow on the shelf for forty minutes. The crow was fine. The crow paid.

    Kept

  7. Case 07: Quack Doctor pouring a glowing green tonic between two glass flasks
    Case 07

    The Tonic

    Ingredients green · Effect also green

  8. Case 08

    Stopped for a crumb.

    A bread crumb fell off the counter at 8:31 pm. Case 08 was never seen again. Neither was the crumb.

    Cancelled

  9. Case 09, the finale: Quack Doctor looking very pleased at his fee, one bread roll on a silver plate
    Case 09 · Finale

    The Bill

    Fee one bread roll · Paid in full

P.096 — Backstage & street

Mask and make-up: not needed, he has a beak.

14A
15
The frame chosen for the cover16A cover!
17
18A
Quack Doctor adjusting his brass goggles in front of an old gilded mirror by candlelight
Goggles adjusted twice · Mirror impressed · Time 40 minutes
Quack Doctor walking down a narrow cobbled street at night carrying a small glowing lantern
Spotted on a house call, 11:48 pm · Carrying one lantern · Comment quack

P.120 — The licence

The only document he signed.

Every doctor has a licence. This is his. The front is his official portrait, crow included. The back has the numbers.

Quack Doctor's official portrait: the duckling in hat, goggles and coat, holding his cane, a crow on the shelf behind him
Quack DoctorThe Quacket · Licence pending

P.140 — The waiting room

Waiting room. Seat nine.

The doctor sees patients by appointment only. The appointment is the token. Four steps, then you are seen.

The Quacket · Issue 01

You have an appointment

  1. 01
    Get a wallet

    Install Phantom. Write the recovery phrase on paper and keep it to yourself.

  2. 02
    Add SOL

    Buy SOL on an exchange and send it to your wallet. Keep a little for fees.

  3. 03
    Swap for $QUACKDOC

    Tap Buy: it opens PumpSwap, pump.fun's exchange, with $QUACKDOC filled in. Check the contract address below character by character.

  4. 04
    Take a seat

    Seat nine. The doctor will see you now. Bring bread.

J5QLt35a4HH5vcnroSmQ5iV8FgNWvazcg1miBdTnpump

Advertisement: a cut-glass bottle of glowing green tonic with a duck-head stopper on green velvet, beside a small black hat

P.164 — Advertisement

Nº 9

Quack No. 9 · the tonic of the season

Does nothing. Tastes green. Keep away from ducklings.

Bottle invented · Stopper a duck · Top note pond